I've decided to try my hand again at Judith Heartsong's Artsy Essay Contest. This time we have been asked to tell a secret or a desire or something we want you to know about us. This is mine:
I MISS MY SMILE
I miss my smile. The earliest pictures I've seen of myself always show me smiling. Chubby little cheeks, bright eyes and contagion at the corners of my mouth. Look out! It's catching! Smile!!!
You did, didn't you? I know. I smiled too. I remember my smile. It was one of my trademarks most of my life.
My grandmother paid to fill my smile with metal to make it more attractive. I brushed and flossed and did all I could to keep it beautiful. Even while I was a gangly, gawky youth, I had a winning smile. It was the thing about me that I liked best. Until my middle teens, I had no figure, unruly hair and knocked knees. I could smile. I got my way with that smile. The boys must have seen something there. I surely didn't.
As I stroll through the box of pictures of my youth, my teens, my adult life, I see many changes in me. I remember good times and tough times. The smile was always there. I smiled through tragedy, a few weddings and right into sobriety. I used that beautiful smile to get ahead in the world. From minimum wage to salaried positions and right into public relations. When my smile wavered, I went to the dentist for repairs. I was proud of that smile and wanted it to stay in place.
My great smile gave me confidence. My lips aren't perfect, kind of thin if you ask me. My eyes are on the small side, too. Something happens when I smile. My face lights up, my eyes sparkle and little crinkly lines form on my face. I think there is joy in that smile. In fact I know it! I feel the joy.
I still smile a lot. There's potential in my smile, but most of my teeth have gone away. Fifteen years in a third world country has taken its toll. Genetics also play a part in that. My mother lost her teeth by the time she was 21. My sisters have lost theirs as well, many years ago. I'm the only one with teeth left. Well, at least a few. I had another one removed last week. My front uppers are beginning to be reminiscent of Bucky Beaver. There are only 3 right up front now. I'm embarrassed sometimes to smile fully. I'm able, but often unwilling. I miss it. I'm a little sad. I want my smile back.
It's no secret now. I have shared my hurt with you. After the dentist removed the last tooth, I cried real tears of pain. The pain was in my heart. Again my precious smile is damaged. Costs are prohibitive. They have been for some time. Nobody loves me any less. And I know God loves me just as I am, but just thinking of the loss brings tears to my eyes.
I have just one more secret to share. It is one that brings tears of joy to my face and to my heart. This morning my boss said the company will help me pay to fix my smile. I had to run to the bathroom so I could cry. I was too embarrassed to do that in front of him. It may take a little time, but I'm going to have my smile back the way it was.
I can't wait to share it with the world.
16 comments:
This is a Lovely Entry! I had some smile-problems myself last year, and I know how upsetting it can be. Really. But I am so happy to hear that we'll be seeing that great smile again real soon.
:)
andi
Oh beautiful Penny, I am so glad they are going to pay for it for you.
Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
I'm so glad for you that you'll get your smile back, so pleased to that your boss will help with expenses. Jeannette.
Back around 1980, my husband's boss did the same generous thing: Paid for thousands of dollars worth of bridgework. I do wish there was some way dentists could be made affordable for middle-class and poor folks.
what an emotional post. I am honored that you chose to share with us this touching entry.... candid and so very honest. I am so happy that you will be able to have your smile back to share with the world, and I am so glad you wrote this down Big hugs your way. judi
OMG! It is as if you wrote the words for me.. because this is ME you are writing about. I MISS MY SMILE SO DEEPLY and am so embarassed by my teeth now that I cover my mouth when I laugh and smile. And it is so sad because I have SO MUCH to laugh and smile about these days. My deepest wish is to just jump to the day where I can have false teeth put in and bring that glow I used to have when ever I smiled. I used to have a big toothy grin.. like that chessier cat from Alice in WonderLand. Now the first thing I notice about people is thier smile and thier teeth and how much better thiers are to mine.
When you get your's back.. take a pictuer for me. Thank you for writing this post and expressing just how I feel. " )
Much Love,
Mary
Penny,
I am so glad you are getting your smile fixed! You will be so happy! AND you will smile again! I went thru this too only with me, it was my two front teeth that the devil knocked out in a childhood injury immediately following my mother's divorce. The devil took my smile for about 20 years. The dentist rebuilt my teeth, but over the course of 20 years the one front tooth developed a stain in the ridge and no dentist could seem to fix it until finally a wonderful dentist and medicaid were able to put crowns in. Now the Lord knew I couldn't do the crowns and that I was a scaredy cat. So he sent me a dream to tell me it would be okay and to forget about the easy, less painful veneers I wanted because I was dreading the process of crowns. So, the dentist then gave me lots and lots of valium to calm my nerves and I got that smile back and went with the Lord's advice which was just plain as day in my dream. I knew that the Lord was going to restore the rest of my life from that day on. He started with my smile. Hugs,
Lisa
PS Just thought I'd share that with you so you won't feel alone about the smile thing.
I am so happy for you!! What a wonderful boss!!!
Love you, lisa jo
How exciting! What a great thing to look forward too! http://journals.aol.com/pixiedustnme/Inmyopinion/entries/1304
My 1st trip to your journal. Interesting life, I imagine you have had. I am so happy for you that you have such a wonderful employer! Reckon it might be the light of the Spirit that makes your smile so fetching? - Barbara
Penny, I am sooo happy for you! You do have a wonderful smile and I so understand where you are coming from, trust me, I know all too well! <<HUGS>>
~Miss O
Know how you feel sweetheart and I to am so happy for you. Someone nominate me for an extreme make-over, especially inplants (teeth) not breast.
Marlene-PurelyPoetry
http://journals.aol.com/mkolasa101/PurelyPoetry
God love your boss! And God love you for sharing this with us. Sounds to me like your smile is still very evident in your eyes...that twinkle that lets everyone know what a happy person you are.
Here's an FYI: A lot of colleges with dental schools will do work on people who have no dental insurance. The cost is far more affordable. Granted, there are students working on you along with the instructors, but the work is the same and the savings significant.
I'm so glad for you! There will be a picture, right?
This made me cry...I know now how important your smile is to you. When I see pictures of you now all I see is beauty...I can't imagine you shinning any brighter but I bet you will be. Can't wait to see your new smile. love you tons!!!!
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